Minion Quotes Short Funny | Humorous comedy joke. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’ …
whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These Minion Quotes Short Funny Quotes, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.
Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 101 funny quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE CLOUDS DISAPPEAR ITS Q -:BRIGUTER DRY.
AS I HAVE GROWN OLDER, I’VE LEARNED THAT PLEASING EVERYONE IS IMPOSSIBLE. BUT PISSING EVERONE OFF IS A PLECE OF CAKE
I am in one of those moods where Ijust want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: “l FACEBOOKED YOU.”
Do You Think Regular Dogs See Police Dogs And Think.. Oh Shit Its The Cops
I NEED TO GO ON MEDICATION SO I CAN SLAP STUPID PEOPLE AND BLAME IT ON THE SIDE EFFECTS
I love waving at Random people.
because you know For the rest of
The day they’re Trying to figure
Out who the hell
You Were! !
Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining you’re not pressing hard enough on the pillow!
I not only Have a Screw loose, I can’t find the Damn Screwdriver!
MY TEACHER POINTED ME WITH HIS RULER AND SAID:
“AT THE END OF THIS RULER THERE’S AN IDIOT!” I GOT DETENTION AFTER ASKING WHICH END.
I DID A PUSH-UP TODAY. WELL, ACTUALLY I FELL DOWN, BUT
I HAD TO USE MY MY ARMS TO GET BACK UP, SO
CLOSE ENOUGH NOW I NEED CHOCOLATE
When I get old I don’t want people thinking,’What a sweet little lady’I want them to say ‘Oh no! Now what is she up to?’
Just once in my life, I’d actually
like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire.
AGE IS JUST A NUMBER…
, AND JAIL IS JUST A ROOM.
Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me.
Need money? This number is no longer in service,
Of course women don’t work
as hard as men… They get it
right the first time.
WHEN SOMEBODY ANNOYS YOU,
IT TAKES 42 MUSCLES IN YOUR
FACE TO FROWN BUT IT ONLY TAKES
4 MUSCLES TO EXTEND YOUR ARM
AN SLAP THAT FACE.
The only exercise some people get is
running their mouth, jumping to
conclusions & pushing their luck!
IF NOBODY SEES
YOU EATING IT,
IT DOESN’T CONTAIN
I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH OCCABD OBSESSIVE, COMPULSIVE, CURSING,
ANGRY, BITCH DISORDER. THERE IS NO CURE.
How to stop time: KISS
How to travel in time: READ
How to escape time: MUSIc
How to feel time: WRlTE
How to waste time: SOCIAL MEDIA
LIFE ISNT A FAIRY TALE IF YOU LOSE
A SHOE AT MIDNlGNT DRUNK.
A raindrop landing on your cheek is a Kiss from someone
that lives in heaven and is watching over you…
Being able to respond with sarcasm within
seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if goo you’re laughing
for no reason, you may need medicine.
EVERY TIME I LOSE SOME WEIGHT I FIND
IT AGAIN IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
I WAnT TO Be The ReAson you LOOK Down AT YOUR Phone AnD smile.
Tuen YOU WALK m TO A POLe
YOU SAY I’M DIRTY MINDED…
…BUT, HOW DID YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT?
Take me, or leave me. Either way,
you won’t find someone else like me.
SO If Guns Kill People,
I Suppose Pencils
Misspell Words, Cars
Drive Drunk, And Spoons
Make People Fat.
I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth
doesn’t want to cooperate!
I AM BE SOMEONE’S CRAZY AUNT.
I Always Say “Morning” Instead Of “Good Morning”
Because If It Were a Good Morning I’d Still Be In Bed Asleep
Giving Your Best Friend a Look And They
Know Exactly What You’re Thinking.
Lord, please give me patience because
if y give me strength I’ll need bail money too…
A recent survey has found that
one in three men are just
as stupid as the other two!